you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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