She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
