I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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