I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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