Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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