george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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