Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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