As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
