and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
