Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
