Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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