he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
