he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
