so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Randomize
