I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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