i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
