I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
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Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I party with great urgency now.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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