I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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