he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
