I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
