Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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