I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think your dad took our porno
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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