i think my tv is drunk
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
