It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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