I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
