YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
A+ Viking dick
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
