A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
