So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
