You really coming over, don't trick.
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize