I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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