i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Farmville is her only friend.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
