My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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