There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
