If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
