I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
