A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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