Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
