Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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