wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
