Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
