I'm going to jail i love you
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
