she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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