I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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