She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
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We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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