The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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