Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
