:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
