Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
