i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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