I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
