I'm so fucking centered right now
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
