remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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