guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
