Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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