My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
