If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i believe in u and ur pee
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
