my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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