I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
