Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
