Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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