Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Can I color on your dick again?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
