I cockslap morals
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
