I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Randomize
