I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
