I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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